Men are Men.... Obviously!!!

How guys select the girl they want to marry

A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry.

He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of Rs.10,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, purchases new make-up and buys several new outfits, and dresses up very nicely for the man.

She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man is impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts.

She gets him a new set of sports articles, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes.As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market.

She earns several times the Rs. 10,000. She gives him back his Rs.10,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account.

She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money.

Guess which lady he chose to marry?

Think like a man . . .

(scroll down for the answer)

*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*

He married the most beautiful one!!!!!!

Men are Men.... Obviously!!! :)

Word of advice for all women....on men

Don’t imagine you can change a man - unless he’s in nappies.

· What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.

· If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.

· Never let your man’s mind wander - it’s too little to be out alone.

· Go for the younger man. You might as well, they never mature anyway.

· Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.

· Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

· Women don’t make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

· Best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.

· 10 Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

· If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

· The Moses wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in Biblical times, men wouldn’t ask for directions.

· If he asks what sort of books you’re interested in, tell him cheque books.

· Remember a sense of humour does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.

· Sadly, all men are created equal!

Side effects of Alcohol and its Remedies

1. Symptom : Cold and humid feet.
Cause : Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the drink on your feet).
Cure: Maneuver glass until open end is facing upward

2. Symptom: The wall facing you is full of lights.
Cause : You're lying on the floor.
Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.

3. Symptom : The floor looks blurry.
Cause : You're looking through an empty glass.
Cure: Quickly refill with your favorite beverage.

4. Symptom : The floor is moving.
Cause : You're being dragged away.
Cure: At least ask where they're taking you.

5. Symptom: You hear echoes every time someone speaks.
Cause : You have your glass on your ear.
Cure: Stop making a fool of yourself!

6. Symptom: The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and the music is very repetitive.
Cause : You're in an ambulance.
Cure: Don't move. Let the professionals do their job.

7. Symptom: Your dad and all your brothers are looking funny.
Cause : You're in the wrong house.
Cure: Ask if they can point you to your house.

Inductive / deductive method ?

For those of you who watch what you eat,here's the final word on nutrition and health.
It's a relief to know the truth after all of those conflicting medical studies.


1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or North Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or North Americans.
3. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or North Americans.
4. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or North Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or North Americans.

CONCLUSION : Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

6 weeks, 6months, 6 years ...

After marriage how couples behave !

Dating process:
6 weeks : I love U, I love U, I love U.
6 months : Of course I love U.
6 years : GOD, if I didn't love U, then why the hell did I propose?

Back from Work:
6 weeks : Honey, I'm home.
6 months : BACK!!
6 years : What did you cook for us today??

Gifts:
6 weeks : Honey, I really hope you liked the ring.
6 months : I bought you a painting; it would fit the motif in the living room.
6 years : Here's the money. Buy yourself something.

Phone Ringing:
6 weeks : Dear, somebody wants you on the phone.
6 months : Here, for you.
6 years : PHONE RINGING.

Cooking:
6 weeks : I never knew food could taste so good!
6 months : What are we having for dinner tonight?
6 years : AGAIN!!!!

Apology:
6 weeks : Honey, don't you worry, Ill never hold this against you.
6 months : Watch out! Don't do it again.
6 years : What's not to understand about what I just said??

New Dress:
6 weeks : Oh my God, you look like an angel in that dress.
6 months : You bought a new dress again???
6 years : How much did THAT cost me?

TV:
6 weeks : Dear, what would you like us to watch tonight?
6 months : I like this movie.
6 years : I'm going to watch Serial, if you're not in the mood, go to bed, I can stay up by myself.

The Policies I am following

• Live your life as simple as you are.
• Money doesn't create man but it is the man who created money.
• Don't go on brand name; just wear those things in which you feel comfortable.
• Don't do what others say, just listen to them, but do what makes you feel good.
• Don't waste your money on unnecessary things; just spend on things that you really need.
• After all it's your life, then why give others the chance to rule your life.

A fact You must know about Sardarjis

We all love Sardarji jokes. But do you know that Sikhs are one of the most hard working prosperous and diversified communities in the world.

My friend told me about the following incident which I wish to share with you. It has had a deep impact on my thinking.

During last vacation, my few friends went to Delhi . They rented a taxi for local sight-seeing. The driver was an old Sardar and boys being boys, these pals began cracking Sardarji jokes, just to tease the old man.

But to their surprise, the fellow remained unperturbed.

At the end of the sight-seeing, they paid the cab hire-charges. The Sardar returned the change, but he gave each one of them one rupee extra and said,

”Son, since morning you have been telling Sardarji jokes. I listened to them all and let me tell you, some of them were in bad taste. Still, I don’t mind coz I know that you are young blood and are yet to see the world. But I have one request. I am giving you one rupee each. Give it to the first Sardar beggar that you come across in this or any other city.’

My friend continued, ’ That one rupee coin is still with me. I couldn’t find a single Sardar begging anywhere.’

The secret behind their universal success, is their willingness to do any job with utmost dedication and pride. A Sardar will drive a truck or set up a roadside garage or a dhaba, put a fruit juice stall, take up small time carpentry,………… but he will never beg on the streets.

Isn’t this very thought provoking ???????

About Men ! Men need not read this.

Q: What is the difference between men and puppies?
A: Puppies grow up.

Q: Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces?
A: Because they are…

Q: What do men have in common with ceramic tiles?
A: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them forever.

Q: If you drop a man and a brick out of a plane, which one would hit the ground first?
A: Who cares???

Q: What did God say after he created man?
A: I can do better than this! And then he created woman!!!.

Q: What’s the difference between an intelligent man & a UFO ?
A: I don’t know, I’ve never seen either.

Q: What are two reasons why men don’t mind their own business?
A: i) no mind
ii) no business

Q: Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?
A: Because even back then men wouldn’t ask for directions .

Q: What is the difference between men and pigs?
A: Pigs don’t turn into men when they drink…

Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of
marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles they have no intention of driving.

Q: What do you do with a man who thinks he’s God’s gift?
A: Exchange him!!

Q: Why do men like smart women?
A: Opposites attract.

A NOBLE DEED

Fleming was a poor farmer. One day while working in his field, he heard a scream for help from near to his farm. He dropped his tools and ran to the bog where he saw a boy, already sunk to his waist in the bog. Fleming helped him from his grave death.

Next day a fancy carriage arrived in front of the farmer's small hut. A gentleman stepped out and introduced himself as father of the boy who trapped in the bog. He wanted to pay Fleming for his noble deed. But he refused to accept the reward.

At that moment the son of the farmer appeared at the door and watched the scene. The gentleman noticed him and proposed a deal that was to take the boy to give the finest education. The farmer then agreed.

Later young Fleming became a great physician and invented Pencillin. Years afterward, the nobleman's son was stricken with pneumonia and Pencillin saved his life.

The nobleman's son was Winston Churchill and

the young Fleming was Alexander Fleming.

Reflections: You must know.

How to determine if a mirror are 2 way or not (Not a Joke) Not to scare you, but to make sure that you are aware. This was brought from a website.

Many of the hotels, textile malls etc., cheat the customers this way . When we visit toilets, bathrooms, hotel rooms, changing rooms, etc, how many of you know for sure that the seemingly ordinary mirror hanging on the wall is a real mirror, or actually a 2-way mirror i.e.,they can see you, but you can't see them ?

There have been many cases of people installing 2-way mirrors in female changing rooms or bathroom or bedrooms. It is very difficult to positively identify the surface by just looking at it. So, how do we determine with any amount of certainty what type of mirror we are looking at ?

Conduct this Simple Test:
Place the tip of your fingernail against the reflective surface and if there is a GAP between your fingernail and the image of the nail, then it is a GENUINE mirror. However, if your fingernail DIRECTLY TOUCHES the image of your nail, then BEWARE, IT IS A 2-WAY MIRROR ! (there is someone seeing you from the other side). So remember, every time you see a mirror, do the "fingernail test". It doesn't cost you anything. It is simple to do. This is a really good thing to do. The reason there is a gap on a real mirror, is because silver is on the back of the mirror UNDER the glass. Whereas with a 2-way mirror, the silver is on the surface. Keep it in mind! Make sure and check every time you enter in hotel rooms.

Ladies: Share this with your friends.

Men: Share this with your Sisters, wives, daughters, friends, colleagues etc.

Teachers: Share this with your students.

Your / CEO / Boss/ Head / Master 's attitude ?

Important Document

A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when she found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in her hand.

"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainly," said the young executive.

She turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."

11 SIGNS U R IN LOVE . . .

ELEVEN
You walk really slow when you're with him/her.

TEN
You feel shy whenever he/she's around.

NINE
You smile when you hear his/her voice.

EIGHT:
When you look at him/her, you can't see the other
People around you, you just see him/her.

SIX:
He/She is all you think about.

FIVE:
You realize you're always smiling when you're
Looking at him/her.

FOUR:
You would do anything for him/her, just to see him/her.

THREE:
While reading this, there was one person on your
Mind this whole time.

TWO:
You were so busy thinking about that person,
You didn't notice number seven was missing

ONE:
You just scrolled up to check & are now silently
Laughing at yourself.

work and liquors

The Centre for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, through paper and even electronically.

This virus is called Weekly Overload Recreational Killer (WORK).

If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT!!! This virus will wipe out your private life entirely. If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises.

Take two good friends to the nearest liquor store and purchase one or both of the antidotes - Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

You should immediately forward this medical alert to five friends. If you do not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK is, sadly, controlling your life. Get help immediately!

Lotus: let's think usefully.

Lotus Plant and Nanotechnology

The lotus plant grows in muddy waters, but its leaves emerge clean. The leaves are not smooth, yet water rolls off of them and collects dirt along the way. This is called the Lotus Effect. Microscopic structures on the leaf trap air bubbles and repel water with a waxy coating. The result is droplets of water dancing on tiny spikes instead of a flat surface. Since there’s nothing to cling to, the water is forced to roll away on the slightest decline. This superhydrophobic coating is great against water droplets, but it doesn’t work well against water vapor.

The applications for water repellent and self-cleaning coatings are almost unlimited. Imagine tools and surfaces that bacteria, food and dirt cannot stick to. Imagine clothes that rarely need to be washed. These coatings already exist and some are on the market . It can also be made with safer or fewer chemicals and increase the life cycle of many materials and resources.

The lotus plant has been a symbol of purity in Asia for thousands of years, in part thanks to its superhydrophobic leaves. Understanding how and why are perhaps just an enlightening as observing the phenomenon, as they offer insight into the ingenuity of evolution and natural systems.

Truth is stranger than Fiction

WHY INDIA GOT INDEPENDENCE

Why the British left India? Why Lord Mount batten decided to leave India? any guess plz.......
* Nethaji Subash Chandra Bose ?

* M.K. gandhi.

* Baghat Singh

* Bengalis

* Punjabis

* or any other person

Answer

check the Photo

Letters of a Geek

(Now-a-days the letter writing becoming scarce. a sample letter by a geek is for your perusal, Please)

A Fantastic Letter regarding a NEW SOFTWARE

Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 :-)

Dear Tech Support Team:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0.

I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child-processes that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities.

Applications such as BachelorNights 10.3, Cricket 5.0, BeerWithBuddies 7.5, and Outings 3.6 no longer runs, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.

I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 1.0 , but the 'uninstall' doesn't work on Wife 1.0.

Please help!

Thanks,
"A Troubled User"


REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that people complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program.

Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!!

It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 1.0.

It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 1.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to allow this. (Look in your Wife 1.0 Manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support) .

I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the environment.

I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before
the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean 2.5, Sweep 3.0, Cook 1.5 and DoLaundry 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs.
Improper use will cause the system to launch the
program NagNag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend....
Costumes 2.1 and Jewellery 5.0

STATUTORY WARNING : DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system

I like Punjabis

the reason, i like punjabis , ( i afraid u may also have the same thing)

George Bush was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when his telephone rang.

"Hello, Mr. Bush!" a heavily accented voice said, "This is Gurmukh from Phagwara, District Kapurthala, Punjab .. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring the war on you!"

"Well, Gurmukh," Bush replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army"

"Right now," said Gurmukh, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Sukhdev, my next door neighbor Bhagat, and the entire kabaddi team from the gurudwara. That makes eight"

Bush paused. "I must tell you, Gurmukh that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Arrey O! Main kya.." said Gurmukh. "I'll have to ring you back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Gurmukh called again.

"Mr. Bush, it is Gurmukh, I'm calling from Phagwara STD, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be, Gurmukh" Bush asked.

"Well, we have two combines, a donkey and Amrik's tractor."

Bush sighed. "I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke."

"Oh teri...." said Gurmukh. "I'll have to get back to you."

Sure enough, Gurmukh rang again the next day.

"Mr. Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne...... We've modified Amrik's tractor by adding a couple of shotguns, sticking on some wings and the pind's generator. Four school pass boys from Malpur have joined us as well!"

Bush was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

"Tera pala hove...." said Gurmuk, "I'll have to ring you back."

Sure enough, Gurmukh called again the next day.

"Kiddan, Mr.Bush! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Bush. "Why the sudden change of heart"

"Well," said Gurmukh, "we've all had a long chat over a couple of lassi's, and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners of wars!"

NOW THAT'S CALLED PUNJABI CONFIDENCE ( i like it)

Maths Tricks

Can You proove 3=2 ?
This seems to be an anomaly or whatever u call in mathematics.
See this illustration:
-6 = -6
9-15 = 4-10
adding 25/4 to both sides:
9-15+(25/4) = 4-10+(25/4 )
Changing the order 9+(25/4)-15 = 4+(25/4)-10
(this is just like : a square + b square - two a b = (a-b)square. )
Here a = 3, b=5/2 for L.H.S and a =2, b=5/2 for R.H.S.
So it can be expressed as follows:
(3-5/2)(3-5/ 2) = (2-5/2)(2-5/ 2)
Taking positive square root on both sides:
3 - 5/2 = 2 - 5/2
3 = 2

Females: C++ view

C++ View for Structure of Females!
struct female_professionals
{
double styles;
short skirts;
long time_to_understand_problems;
float mind;
void knowledge;
char non_co-operative;
}
struct married_females
{
double weight;
short tempered;
long gossip;
float hopes;
void word;
char unstable;
}
struct engaged_females
{
double time_on_phone;
short attention_on_work;
long boast;
float on_cloud_nine;
void understanding;
char edgy;
}
struct newly_married_females
{
double dinner_invitation;
short time_at_work;
long lunch_break;
void bank_balance;
char hen_pecked;
}
struct husband_wife_professionals
{
double income;
short tempered;
long time_no_see_each_other;
void love_life;
char money_making;
}
struct beautiful_city_girl
{
double boyfriends;
short affairs;
long stories;
void greymatter;
char flirt;
}
struct old_lady
{
double chin ;
short memory;
long sighs ;
void attention_from_men;
char chatterbox;

Humour for U

BEST OF SARDARS

There were 4 Sardars in Mumbai. They decided to start a business.
They had a lot of discussions on the type of business and finally decided to
start a hotel.
They selected the best of locations and cooks and built the hotel.
The hotel was inaugrated and was awaiting its first customer.
The Sardars waited and waited but nobody turned up.
The story was the same the next day. A week passed but noboby turned up.

WHY?
Bcos there was a sign at the entrance "Visitors not allowed."


After the failure of their hotel they decided to start an auto garage.
They bought the best of car servicing equipments and soon started the garage.
The 4 Sardars waited that day for the first car to arrive but no car entered
their Garage.
They waited for one day, 2 days ,a week but no car came to their garage.

WHY?
B'cos their garage was on the first floor.


After this failure they decided to fall back on the good old taxi driving.
They bought a new Premier Padmini running on CNG and began to look for
passengers.
They drew past Churchgate but nobody hailed their taxi.
They went to Nariman point yet nobody hailed their taxi.
They drove to Chatrapati Shivaji Terminus, even there nobody hailed their taxi.

In desperation they kept on driving all around Mumbai but alas no one hailed
their taxi.

WHY?
B'cos all the four Sardars were sitting in the taxi.


All the 4 Sardars were very disgusted with their naseeb and decided to push
their taxi into the sea at Marine Lines.
They started pushing their taxi.
They pushed the whole day and were very exhausted but the taxi did not move
even an inch.
They decided to rest for the night and start the next day.
The next day the story repeated itself.
The taxi just wouldn't move.
They pushed for a whole week but the taxi wouldn't budge.

WHY?
B'cos two sardarjis were pushing from front and two from behind.