Tuesday 22 December 2009

known laws


naturally these laws are unavoidable laws in our day to day life.

1. Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.

2. Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

5. Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

6. Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (works every time).

7. Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11. Theater Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

12. Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich of landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness, color and cost of the carpet/rug.

15. Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.

16. Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

17. Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

18. Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.

19. Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it

Reply With Quote

Tuesday 1 December 2009

Women's wish

Husband for Sale
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband...


A store that sells husbands has just opened in Mumbai, where a woman may go to choose a husband.

Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.

There is, however, a catch. .... You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:


Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.


*********


The second floor sign reads:


Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.


*********


The third floor sign reads:


Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.



" Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.


*********


She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:


Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework.


"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"


*********


Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:


Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.


She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:


*********


Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,013 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.



Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!


*********

Tuesday 24 November 2009

Acknowledge ...

This is one of the nicest e-mails I have seen and is so true:

I dreamt that I went to Heaven and an angel was showing me around. We walked side-by-side inside a large workroom filled with angels. My angel guide stopped in front of the first section and said, 'This is the Receiving Section. Here, all petitions to God said in prayer are received.'

I looked around in this area, and it was terribly busy with so many angels sorting out petitions written on voluminous paper sheets and scraps from people all over the world.

Then we moved on down a long corridor until we reached the second section.

The angel then said to me, 'This is the Packaging and Delivery Section. Here, the graces and blessings the people asked for are processed and delivered to the living persons who asked for them. 'I noticed again how busy it was there. There were many angels working hard at that station, since so many blessings had been requested and were being packaged for delivery to Earth.

Finally at the farthest end of the long corridor we stopped at the door of a very small station. To my great surprise, only one angel was seated there, idly doing nothing. 'This is the Acknowledgment Section,' my angel friend quietly admitted to me. He seemed embarrassed 'How is it that there is no work going on here?' I asked.

'So sad,' the angel sighed. 'After people receive the blessings that they asked for, very few send back acknowledgments .'

'How does one acknowledge God's blessings?' I asked.

'Simple,' the angel answered. Just say, 'Thank you, Lord.'

'What blessings should they acknowledge?' I asked.

'If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep you are richer than 75% of this world. If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish, you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy .'

'And if you get this on your own computer, you are part of the 1% in the world who has that opportunity.'

' If you woke up this morning with more health than illness ... you are more blessed than the many who will not even survive this day .'

'If you have never experienced the fear in battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation ... you are ahead of 700 million people in the world.'

'If you can attend a place of worship without the fear of harassment, arrest, torture or death you are envied by, and more blessed than, three billion people in the world .'

'If your parents are still alive and still married ...you are very rare .'

'If you can hold your head up and smile, you are not the norm, you're unique to all those in doubt and despair.'

Ok, what now? How can I start?

If you can read this message, you just received a double blessing in that someone was thinking of you as very special and you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world who cannot read at all.

Have a good day, count your blessings, and if you want, pass this along to remind everyone else how blessed we all are.

ATTN: Acknowledge Dept. : 'Thank you Lord, for giving me the ability to share this message and for giving me so many wonderful people to share it with"

Check your craziness


This is crazy...!

NOTE: This is crazy...and spooky- you have got to try it!

At the end of this message, you are asked a question.

Answer it immediately. Don't stop and think about it.


Just say the first thing that pops into your mind.


This is a fun "test"... AND kind of spooky at the same time! Give it a try, then e-mail it around (including back to me) and you'll see how many people you know fall into the same percentage as you. Be sure to put in the subject line if you are among the 98% or the 2%.! You'll understand what that means after you finish taking the test".

Now... just follow the instructions as quickly as possible.

Do not go to the next calculation before you have finished the previous one.

You do not ever need to write or remember the answers, just do it using your mind.

You'll be surprised.

Start:


How much is:

15 + 6





3 + 56





89 + 2







12 + 53







75 + 26






25 + 52






63 + 32





I know! Calculations are hard work, but it's nearly over..


Come on, one more!







123 + 5









QUICK! THINK ABOUT A COLOR AND A TOOL!



Scroll further to the bottom....




A bit more...







You just thought about a red hammer ! , didn't you?

If this is not your answer, you are among 2% of people who have a different, if not abnormal, mind.

98% of the folks would answer a red hammer while doing this exercise.

If you do not believe this, pass it around and you'll see.

Be sure to put in the subject line if you are among the 98% or the 2% and send to everyone, including the person that sent it to you.

Saturday 21 November 2009

Secular Family


Check the (Pseudo ) Secularism

Restart Computer

Restart Windows without restarting the Computer

When you click on the SHUTDOWN button, make sure to simultaneous press SHIFT Button. If you hold the Shift key down while clicking on SHUTDOWN button, you computer would restart without restarting the Computer. This is equivalent to term "HOT REBOOT".

Thursday 19 November 2009

Your Administrator’s Language




“We will do it” means ” You will do it”

“You have done a great job” means “More work to be given to you”

“We are working on it” means “We have not yet started working on the same”

“Tomorrow first thing in the morning” means “Its not getting done…. At least not tomorrow!”.

“After discussion we will decide – I am very open to views” means “I have already decided, I will tell you what to do”

“There was a slight miscommunication” means “We had actually lied”

“Lets call a meeting and discuss” means “I have no time now, will talk later”

“We can always do it” means “We actually cannot do the same on time”

“We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline” means “The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time.”

“We had slight differences of opinion” means “We had actually fought”

“Make a list of the work that you do and let’s see how I can help you” means “Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me”

“You should have told me earlier” means “Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!”

“We need to find out the real reason” means “Well I will tell you where your fault is”

“Well… family is important, your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected” means “Well you know…”

“We are a team” means “I am not the only one to be blamed”

“That’s actually a good question” means “I do not know anything about it”

“All the Best” means “You are in trouble”

Saturday 14 November 2009

PROBLEM SOLVING through envelopes ...


A new Administrator / Principal spends a week at his new office with the Administrator, he is replacing.

On the last day the departing manager tells him, "I have left three numbered envelopes in the desk drawer. Open an envelope if you encounter a crisis you can't solve."

Three months down the track there is a major drama, everything goes wrong - the usual stuff - and the Administrator / Principal feels very threatened by it all.

He remembers the parting words of his predecessor and opens the first envelope.
The message inside says "Blame your predecessor!" He does this and gets off the hook.

About half a year later, the Institution is experiencing a dip in progress and combined with serious problems.

The Administrator / Principal quickly opens the second envelope.
The message read, "Reorganize!, Now blame and threat or bargain or beg with own staff." This he does, and the Institution quickly rebounds.

Sunday 8 November 2009

Discoveries and Inventions

Discoveries and Inventions by Men and Women

Men discovered COLOURS and invented PAINT,
Women discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP.

Men discovered the WORD and invented CONVERSATION,
Women discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP.

Men discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD,
Women discovered FOOD and invented DIET.

Men discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE,
Women discovered LOVE and invented MARRIAGE.

Men discovered TRADING and invented MONEY,
Women discovered MONEY and invented SHOPPING.

Thereafter Men have discovered and invented a lot of things…
... While Women STUCK to shopping.

Saturday 7 November 2009

Man in Coffee beans



The “illusion” is that this is just a picture of coffee beans; but it is not.

Can you find a man’s face among the beans? Some say that if you find the man in 3 seconds or less, the right half of your brain may be more well developed than most.

PS: This is not a trick. A man’s face is really hidden among the beans.

Thursday 29 October 2009

Men are Men.... Obviously!!!

How guys select the girl they want to marry

A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry.

He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of Rs.10,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, purchases new make-up and buys several new outfits, and dresses up very nicely for the man.

She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man is impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts.

She gets him a new set of sports articles, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes.As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market.

She earns several times the Rs. 10,000. She gives him back his Rs.10,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account.

She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money.

Guess which lady he chose to marry?

Think like a man . . .

(scroll down for the answer)

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He married the most beautiful one!!!!!!

Men are Men.... Obviously!!! :)

Monday 26 October 2009

Word of advice for all women....on men

Don’t imagine you can change a man - unless he’s in nappies.

· What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.

· If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.

· Never let your man’s mind wander - it’s too little to be out alone.

· Go for the younger man. You might as well, they never mature anyway.

· Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.

· Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

· Women don’t make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

· Best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.

· 10 Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

· If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

· The Moses wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in Biblical times, men wouldn’t ask for directions.

· If he asks what sort of books you’re interested in, tell him cheque books.

· Remember a sense of humour does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.

· Sadly, all men are created equal!

Sunday 25 October 2009

Side effects of Alcohol and its Remedies


1. Symptom : Cold and humid feet.
Cause : Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the drink on your feet).
Cure: Maneuver glass until open end is facing upward

2. Symptom: The wall facing you is full of lights.
Cause : You're lying on the floor.
Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.

3. Symptom : The floor looks blurry.
Cause : You're looking through an empty glass.
Cure: Quickly refill with your favorite beverage.

4. Symptom : The floor is moving.
Cause : You're being dragged away.
Cure: At least ask where they're taking you.

5. Symptom: You hear echoes every time someone speaks.
Cause : You have your glass on your ear.
Cure: Stop making a fool of yourself!

6. Symptom: The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and the music is very repetitive.
Cause : You're in an ambulance.
Cure: Don't move. Let the professionals do their job.

7. Symptom: Your dad and all your brothers are looking funny.
Cause : You're in the wrong house.
Cure: Ask if they can point you to your house.

Inductive / deductive method ?

For those of you who watch what you eat,here's the final word on nutrition and health.
It's a relief to know the truth after all of those conflicting medical studies.


1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or North Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or North Americans.
3. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or North Americans.
4. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or North Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or North Americans.

CONCLUSION : Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Thursday 15 October 2009

6 weeks, 6months, 6 years ...

After marriage how couples behave !

Dating process:
6 weeks : I love U, I love U, I love U.
6 months : Of course I love U.
6 years : GOD, if I didn't love U, then why the hell did I propose?

Back from Work:
6 weeks : Honey, I'm home.
6 months : BACK!!
6 years : What did you cook for us today??

Gifts:
6 weeks : Honey, I really hope you liked the ring.
6 months : I bought you a painting; it would fit the motif in the living room.
6 years : Here's the money. Buy yourself something.

Phone Ringing:
6 weeks : Dear, somebody wants you on the phone.
6 months : Here, for you.
6 years : PHONE RINGING.

Cooking:
6 weeks : I never knew food could taste so good!
6 months : What are we having for dinner tonight?
6 years : AGAIN!!!!

Apology:
6 weeks : Honey, don't you worry, Ill never hold this against you.
6 months : Watch out! Don't do it again.
6 years : What's not to understand about what I just said??

New Dress:
6 weeks : Oh my God, you look like an angel in that dress.
6 months : You bought a new dress again???
6 years : How much did THAT cost me?

TV:
6 weeks : Dear, what would you like us to watch tonight?
6 months : I like this movie.
6 years : I'm going to watch Serial, if you're not in the mood, go to bed, I can stay up by myself.

Tuesday 6 October 2009

The Policies I am following

  • Live your life as simple as you are.
  • Money doesn't create man but it is the man who created money.
  • Don't go on brand name; just wear those things in which you feel comfortable.
  • Don't do what others say, just listen to them, but do what makes you feel good.
  • Don't waste your money on unnecessary things; just spend on things that you really need.
  • After all it's your life, then why give others the chance to rule your life.

Thursday 24 September 2009

A fact You must know about Sardarjis


We all love Sardarji jokes. But do you know that Sikhs are one of the most hard working prosperous and diversified communities in the world.

My friend told me about the following incident which I wish to share with you. It has had a deep impact on my thinking.

During last vacation, my few friends went to Delhi . They rented a taxi for local sight-seeing. The driver was an old Sardar and boys being boys, these pals began cracking Sardarji jokes, just to tease the old man.

But to their surprise, the fellow remained unperturbed.

At the end of the sight-seeing, they paid the cab hire-charges. The Sardar returned the change, but he gave each one of them one rupee extra and said,

”Son, since morning you have been telling Sardarji jokes. I listened to them all and let me tell you, some of them were in bad taste. Still, I don’t mind coz I know that you are young blood and are yet to see the world. But I have one request. I am giving you one rupee each. Give it to the first Sardar beggar that you come across in this or any other city.’

My friend continued, ’ That one rupee coin is still with me. I couldn’t find a single Sardar begging anywhere.’

The secret behind their universal success, is their willingness to do any job with utmost dedication and pride. A Sardar will drive a truck or set up a roadside garage or a dhaba, put a fruit juice stall, take up small time carpentry,………… but he will never beg on the streets.

Isn’t this very thought provoking ???????

Saturday 19 September 2009

About Men ! Men need not read this.


Q: What is the difference between men and puppies?
A: Puppies grow up.

Q: Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces?
A: Because they are…

Q: What do men have in common with ceramic tiles?
A: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them forever.

Q: If you drop a man and a brick out of a plane, which one would hit the ground first?
A: Who cares???

Q: What did God say after he created man?
A: I can do better than this! And then he created woman!!!.

Q: What’s the difference between an intelligent man & a UFO ?
A: I don’t know, I’ve never seen either.

Q: What are two reasons why men don’t mind their own business?
A: i) no mind
ii) no business

Q: Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?
A: Because even back then men wouldn’t ask for directions .

Q: What is the difference between men and pigs?
A: Pigs don’t turn into men when they drink…

Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of
marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles they have no intention of driving.

Q: What do you do with a man who thinks he’s God’s gift?
A: Exchange him!!

Q: Why do men like smart women?
A: Opposites attract.

Wednesday 16 September 2009

A NOBLE DEED

Fleming was a poor farmer. One day while working in his field, he heard a scream for help from near to his farm. He dropped his tools and ran to the bog where he saw a boy, already sunk to his waist in the bog. Fleming helped him from his grave death.

Next day a fancy carriage arrived in front of the farmer's small hut. A gentleman stepped out and introduced himself as father of the boy who trapped in the bog. He wanted to pay Fleming for his noble deed. But he refused to accept the reward.

At that moment the son of the farmer appeared at the door and watched the scene. The gentleman noticed him and proposed a deal that was to take the boy to give the finest education. The farmer then agreed.

Later young Fleming became a great physician and invented Pencillin. Years afterward, the nobleman's son was stricken with pneumonia and Pencillin saved his life.

The nobleman's son was Winston Churchill and

the young Fleming was Alexander Fleming.

Wednesday 19 August 2009

Reflections: You must know.


How to determine if a mirror are 2 way or not (Not a Joke) Not to scare you, but to make sure that you are aware. This was brought from a website.

Many of the hotels, textile malls etc., cheat the customers this way . When we visit toilets, bathrooms, hotel rooms, changing rooms, etc, how many of you know for sure that the seemingly ordinary mirror hanging on the wall is a real mirror, or actually a 2-way mirror i.e.,they can see you, but you can't see them ?

There have been many cases of people installing 2-way mirrors in female changing rooms or bathroom or bedrooms. It is very difficult to positively identify the surface by just looking at it. So, how do we determine with any amount of certainty what type of mirror we are looking at ?

Conduct this Simple Test:
Place the tip of your fingernail against the reflective surface and if there is a GAP between your fingernail and the image of the nail, then it is a GENUINE mirror. However, if your fingernail DIRECTLY TOUCHES the image of your nail, then BEWARE, IT IS A 2-WAY MIRROR ! (there is someone seeing you from the other side). So remember, every time you see a mirror, do the "fingernail test". It doesn't cost you anything. It is simple to do. This is a really good thing to do. The reason there is a gap on a real mirror, is because silver is on the back of the mirror UNDER the glass. Whereas with a 2-way mirror, the silver is on the surface. Keep it in mind! Make sure and check every time you enter in hotel rooms.

Ladies: Share this with your friends.

Men: Share this with your Sisters, wives, daughters, friends, colleagues etc.

Teachers: Share this with your students.

Monday 17 August 2009

Your / CEO / Boss/ Head / Master 's attitude ?

Important Document

A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when she found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in her hand.

"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainly," said the young executive.

She turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."

Thursday 13 August 2009


11 SIGNS U R IN LOVE . . .

ELEVEN
You walk really slow when you're with him/her.

TEN
You feel shy whenever he/she's around.

NINE
You smile when you hear his/her voice.

EIGHT:
When you look at him/her, you can't see the other
People around you, you just see him/her.

SIX:
He/She is all you think about.

FIVE:
You realize you're always smiling when you're
Looking at him/her.

FOUR:
You would do anything for him/her, just to see him/her.

THREE:
While reading this, there was one person on your
Mind this whole time.

TWO:
You were so busy thinking about that person,
You didn't notice number seven was missing

ONE:
You just scrolled up to check & are now silently
Laughing at yourself.

Tuesday 11 August 2009

work and liquors


The Centre for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, through paper and even electronically.

This virus is called Weekly Overload Recreational Killer (WORK).

If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT!!! This virus will wipe out your private life entirely. If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises.

Take two good friends to the nearest liquor store and purchase one or both of the antidotes - Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

You should immediately forward this medical alert to five friends. If you do not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK is, sadly, controlling your life. Get help immediately!

Lotus: let's think usefully.


Lotus Plant and Nanotechnology

The lotus plant grows in muddy waters, but its leaves emerge clean. The leaves are not smooth, yet water rolls off of them and collects dirt along the way. This is called the Lotus Effect. Microscopic structures on the leaf trap air bubbles and repel water with a waxy coating. The result is droplets of water dancing on tiny spikes instead of a flat surface. Since there’s nothing to cling to, the water is forced to roll away on the slightest decline. This superhydrophobic coating is great against water droplets, but it doesn’t work well against water vapor.

The applications for water repellent and self-cleaning coatings are almost unlimited. Imagine tools and surfaces that bacteria, food and dirt cannot stick to. Imagine clothes that rarely need to be washed. These coatings already exist and some are on the market . It can also be made with safer or fewer chemicals and increase the life cycle of many materials and resources.

The lotus plant has been a symbol of purity in Asia for thousands of years, in part thanks to its superhydrophobic leaves. Understanding how and why are perhaps just an enlightening as observing the phenomenon, as they offer insight into the ingenuity of evolution and natural systems.

Friday 31 July 2009

Truth is stranger than Fiction


WHY INDIA GOT INDEPENDENCE

Why the British left India? Why Lord Mount batten decided to leave India? any guess plz.......
* Nethaji Subash Chandra Bose ?

* M.K. gandhi.

* Baghat Singh

* Bengalis

* Punjabis

* or any other person


Answer

check the Photo



Letters of a Geek


(Now-a-days the letter writing becoming scarce. a sample letter by a geek is for your perusal, Please)

A Fantastic Letter regarding a NEW SOFTWARE

Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 :-)

Dear Tech Support Team:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0.

I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child-processes that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities.

Applications such as BachelorNights 10.3, Cricket 5.0, BeerWithBuddies 7.5, and Outings 3.6 no longer runs, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.

I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 1.0 , but the 'uninstall' doesn't work on Wife 1.0.

Please help!

Thanks,
"A Troubled User"


REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that people complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program.

Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!!

It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 1.0.

It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 1.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to allow this. (Look in your Wife 1.0 Manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support) .

I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the environment.

I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before
the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean 2.5, Sweep 3.0, Cook 1.5 and DoLaundry 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs.
Improper use will cause the system to launch the
program NagNag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend....
Costumes 2.1 and Jewellery 5.0

STATUTORY WARNING : DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system

Wednesday 29 July 2009

I like Punjabis

the reason, i like punjabis , ( i afraid u may also have the same thing)

George Bush was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when his telephone rang.

"Hello, Mr. Bush!" a heavily accented voice said, "This is Gurmukh from Phagwara, District Kapurthala, Punjab .. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring the war on you!"

"Well, Gurmukh," Bush replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army"

"Right now," said Gurmukh, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Sukhdev, my next door neighbor Bhagat, and the entire kabaddi team from the gurudwara. That makes eight"

Bush paused. "I must tell you, Gurmukh that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Arrey O! Main kya.." said Gurmukh. "I'll have to ring you back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Gurmukh called again.

"Mr. Bush, it is Gurmukh, I'm calling from Phagwara STD, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be, Gurmukh" Bush asked.

"Well, we have two combines, a donkey and Amrik's tractor."

Bush sighed. "I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke."

"Oh teri...." said Gurmukh. "I'll have to get back to you."

Sure enough, Gurmukh rang again the next day.

"Mr. Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne...... We've modified Amrik's tractor by adding a couple of shotguns, sticking on some wings and the pind's generator. Four school pass boys from Malpur have joined us as well!"

Bush was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

"Tera pala hove...." said Gurmuk, "I'll have to ring you back."

Sure enough, Gurmukh called again the next day.

"Kiddan, Mr.Bush! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Bush. "Why the sudden change of heart"

"Well," said Gurmukh, "we've all had a long chat over a couple of lassi's, and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners of wars!"

NOW THAT'S CALLED PUNJABI CONFIDENCE ( i like it)

Monday 27 July 2009

Maths Tricks

Can You proove 3=2 ?
This seems to be an anomaly or whatever u call in mathematics.
See this illustration:
-6 = -6
9-15 = 4-10
adding 25/4 to both sides:
9-15+(25/4) = 4-10+(25/4 )
Changing the order 9+(25/4)-15 = 4+(25/4)-10
(this is just like : a square + b square - two a b = (a-b)square. )
Here a = 3, b=5/2 for L.H.S and a =2, b=5/2 for R.H.S.
So it can be expressed as follows:
(3-5/2)(3-5/ 2) = (2-5/2)(2-5/ 2)
Taking positive square root on both sides:
3 - 5/2 = 2 - 5/2
3 = 2

Sunday 26 July 2009

Females: C++ view


C++ View for Structure of Females!
struct female_professionals
{
double styles;
short skirts;
long time_to_understand_problems;
float mind;
void knowledge;
char non_co-operative;
}
struct married_females
{
double weight;
short tempered;
long gossip;
float hopes;
void word;
char unstable;
}
struct engaged_females
{
double time_on_phone;
short attention_on_work;
long boast;
float on_cloud_nine;
void understanding;
char edgy;
}
struct newly_married_females
{
double dinner_invitation;
short time_at_work;
long lunch_break;
void bank_balance;
char hen_pecked;
}
struct husband_wife_professionals
{
double income;
short tempered;
long time_no_see_each_other;
void love_life;
char money_making;
}
struct beautiful_city_girl
{
double boyfriends;
short affairs;
long stories;
void greymatter;
char flirt;
}
struct old_lady
{
double chin ;
short memory;
long sighs ;
void attention_from_men;
char chatterbox;

Humour for U

BEST OF SARDARS

There were 4 Sardars in Mumbai. They decided to start a business.
They had a lot of discussions on the type of business and finally decided to
start a hotel.
They selected the best of locations and cooks and built the hotel.
The hotel was inaugrated and was awaiting its first customer.
The Sardars waited and waited but nobody turned up.
The story was the same the next day. A week passed but noboby turned up.

WHY?
Bcos there was a sign at the entrance "Visitors not allowed."


After the failure of their hotel they decided to start an auto garage.
They bought the best of car servicing equipments and soon started the garage.
The 4 Sardars waited that day for the first car to arrive but no car entered
their Garage.
They waited for one day, 2 days ,a week but no car came to their garage.

WHY?
B'cos their garage was on the first floor.


After this failure they decided to fall back on the good old taxi driving.
They bought a new Premier Padmini running on CNG and began to look for
passengers.
They drew past Churchgate but nobody hailed their taxi.
They went to Nariman point yet nobody hailed their taxi.
They drove to Chatrapati Shivaji Terminus, even there nobody hailed their taxi.

In desperation they kept on driving all around Mumbai but alas no one hailed
their taxi.

WHY?
B'cos all the four Sardars were sitting in the taxi.


All the 4 Sardars were very disgusted with their naseeb and decided to push
their taxi into the sea at Marine Lines.
They started pushing their taxi.
They pushed the whole day and were very exhausted but the taxi did not move
even an inch.
They decided to rest for the night and start the next day.
The next day the story repeated itself.
The taxi just wouldn't move.
They pushed for a whole week but the taxi wouldn't budge.

WHY?
B'cos two sardarjis were pushing from front and two from behind.

Monday 13 July 2009

9 Reasons To Quit Teaching (And 10 Reasons To Stick)

Think of the many reasons you have to quit.

1. Bad students
2. Bad administrators
3. Bad curriculum
4. Too much paperwork
5. Too much negativity
6. Too much responsibility
7. Not enough time
8. Not enough credit
9. Not enough PAY

So why should we stick with this education thing anyway?
1. Because children are worth it
2. Because you are passionate about your subject matter
3. Because there is more personal satisfaction in this field than any other
4. Because giving of yourself is truly living
5. Because you have something valuable to share
6. Because you enjoy learning
7. Because you need to make a difference in lives
8. Because there are too many teachers who don’t want to be teaching
If you’re one of them, then maybe you should reread the list at the top and find a new profession that won’t allow you to make a negative difference in lives
Summer Vacation
Easy exposure in society

Thursday 9 July 2009

Normal

'Normal' is a strange English word. Mathematically, it means 'forming a right angle'. Scientifically it means 'conforming to scientific laws'. Chemically, it defines the strength of a solution. Statistically it can mean a mode or an average. Biologically it describes an organism working without any defect. Now, all those definitions assume that something is absolutely right and true. However, socially, 'normal' means 'what is usual' - and that is assumed to be 'what is right' ...

Tuesday 7 July 2009

For 2008-10 II Year DIET students

Kindly check the Schema given already (in the blog jtmadhavan.wordpress.com) get start.
Further information / instruction will be followed in the third week of this month. Here after just proceed to the blog jtmadhavan.wordpress.com for the Academic Information regarding Teacher Education only. This blog is going for too much of personal. You may ignore the posts other than DTEd 2008-10.
T. Madhavan.

Wednesday 24 June 2009

No comments, Please!


« What is it like to have a dysfunctional personal relationship with Jesus?
According to my daughter: Superman is better than God. »
Losing my religion. Why I recently walked away from Christianity. By theBEattitude

I was planning to write up a detailed story about my Christian life and the recent rejection of my faith. But my goal is not to build a case to prove I believed in God or to demonstrate how good of a Christian I was. I did truly believe in God for most of my life and worshiped and prayed to him daily. I believed he was at work in my life at all times and using me to touch other people’s lives.

losing-my-religion
So you might be wondering what changed.

The change was a culmination of things that I could no longer ignore. Faith is belief in the unseen and unprovable, but still requires a foundation for that faith. With the countless religions of the world, I began to question why the god of the Bible is more believable than all other gods worshiped on earth. With the mountain of evidence staring me in the face, my faith began to die.

Last fall, I finally moved past guilt and admitted to myself that I no longer believe in Jesus or the god of the Bible. Surprisingly it was a relief. Not because I wanted to run wild and sin freely, but because I no longer felt the weight a Christian carries. The weight of guilt, unworthiness and fear of god’s judgement. I continue to spend my days striving to be a good husband, father and son. I help others in need around me as often as I can. The big difference is I do these things today because it brings me joy, not because I believe it brings an imaginary god joy.

For those wondering, here is a condensed “Top 20 List” of the things that led to my rejection of Christianity.

1. God is wrathful, jealous, hateful, and kills nations of people like it is a bodily function. He is certainly not just or “holy” in nature.
2. The act of throwing people into infinite torture and punishment for not believing a Jewish guy from 2,000 years ago was God’s son, or unknowingly worshiping the wrong god, is extremely cruel and sadistic.
3. The statements, “God works in mysterious ways,” or “It will all make sense in heaven,” are little more than irrational cop outs. This God allows horrible atrocities to be committed against innocent men, women and children every day.
4. Bloody animal and human sacrifices are illogical demands by a divine god as payment for petty wrong doings. These actions are no different than the rituals of archaic pagan religions. Not to mention the bizarre ritual of symbolically drinking human blood and eating human flesh.
5. If God loves us and wants us to know and believe in him, why be so completely invisible? What is the purpose of being so illusive to those who believe and worship him?
6. God never manifests himself or performs miracles as he regularly did for the Israelites in Old Testament stories.
7. Prayers are never answered. Certainly not in the way Jesus described. Prayer has absolutely no affect on the world around us.
8. Jesus did not fulfill major Old Testament prophesies or even fulfill his own promises and predictions.
9. The authors of much of the Bible are unknown. And of these unknown authors, the men who wrote the gospels likely never even met Jesus considering they were written 40-70 years after his death. A far cry from reliable testimony.
10. The Bible is repeatedly contradictory with itself, reality, and the laws of morality. Couldn’t God inspire a less poorly written book?
11. The Bible is open to interpretation. Everyone interprets it in the way that suits them best or serves their purposes.
12. Throughout history, Christians have justified horrific actions by the Bible and its teaching.
13. The Bible promotes hate and persecution against women, homosexuals and those who worship other gods or no god at all.
14. According to the Bible, nearly 70% percent of the people in the world will burn in hell because they don’t believe Jesus was the son of God.
15. The only reason I was a Christian was because I was indoctrinated into the religion as a child as a result of the culture and region of the world in which I was born.
16. Christianity has no more rational or factual foundation than any other religion on earth that I openly reject.
17. The Christian church is disjointed and can’t even agree with one another.
18. Christians are not at all ethically or morally different from non-Christians.
19. Today, powerful church leaders steal, lie and molest young children. The church repeatedly attempts to cover up these atrocities, only to reluctantly apologize as a last resort.
20. It is absolutely irrational to continue to believe archaic teaching with the amount of knowledge we’ve gained through science and technology. The Bible reads like a book of primitive folklore, not divinely inspired insight into our true reason for existence.

Some Questions for I year

Unit -2. Human Physiology
1) What do you mean by nervous system?
2) What is the function of the cerebrum?
3) What is cerebrospinal fluid?
4) Define anatomy and physiology
5) Define metabolism?
6) Enumerate the functions of blood.
7) What are the functions of the heart?
8) What are the functions of the liver?
9) What are the types of blood vessels?
10) Draw the structure of the alimentary tract
11) Write about endocrine glands
12) Define joints.
13) Write in detail about circulatory system
14) Structure and function of kidney.
15) Structure and function of the skin.
16) Define respiration and explain physiology of respiration.
Unit -3. Plants, Insects, Birds and Animals.
1. classify the types of Plants.
2. Write the functions of Plants
... ...

Monday 15 June 2009

Math's Trick

Here is a math trick so unbelievable that it will stump you.

1. Grab a calculator. (you won't be able to do this one in your head)

2. Key in the first six digits of your mobile number

3. Multiply by 80

4. Add 1

5. Multiply by 250

6. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number

7. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number again.

8. Subtract 250

9. Divide number by 2

Do you recognize the answer? :-)

Sunday 14 June 2009

Indian Medicine Systems


Siddha system
Introduction and Origin
Siddha system is one of the oldest systems of medicine in India. The term Siddha means achievements and Siddhars were saintly persons who achieved results in medicine. Eighteen Siddhars were said to have contributed towards the development of this medical system. Siddha literature is in Tamil and it is practiced largely in Tamil speaking part of India and abroad. The Siddha System is largely therapeutic in nature.
History :
The original Home allotted to mankind by the Creator was in the temperate and fertile region of the East and pointedly in India. It is from here that the human race began its culture and career. India may, therefore, be safely stated as that the first country from which human culture and civilization originated and spread. The science of medicine is of fundamental importance to man’s well being and so it must have originated with man and developed as civilization. It is, therefore rather pointless to try to determine the exact point of time to which the beginning of these systems could be traced They are eternal, they began with man and may end with him.
The Siddha was flouriest in south and Ayurveda prevalent in the north. Instead of giving the name of any of individual as the founder of these systems our ancestors attributed their origin to the creator. According to the tradition it was Shiva who unfolded the knowledge of Siddha system of medicine to his concert Parvati who handed it down to Nandi Deva and the Siddhars. The Siddhars were great scientists in ancient times. According to tradition, the origin of Siddha system of medicine is attributed to the great Siddha, Ayastiyar. Some of his works are still standard books of medicine and surgery in daily use among the Siddha Medical practitioners.
Basic Concepts
This principles and doctrines of this system, both fundamental and applied, have a close similarity to Ayurveda. According to this system the human body is the replica of the universe and so are the food and drugs irrespective of their origin.
Like Ayurveda, this system believes that all objects in the universe including human body are composed of five basic elements namely, earth, water, fire, air and sky. The food, which the human body takes and the drugs it uses are all, made of these five elements. The proportion of the elements present in the drugs vary and their preponderance or otherwise is responsible for certain actions and therapeutic results.
As in Ayurveda, This system also considers the human body as a conglomeration of three humours, seven basic tissues and the waste products of the body such as faeces, urine and sweat. The food is considered to be basic building material of human body which gets processed into humours, body tissues and waste products. The equilibrium of humours is considered as health and its disturbance or imbalance leads to disease or sickness.
This system also deals with the concept of salvation in life. The exponents of this system consider achievement of this state is possible by medicines and meditation.
Materia Medica
The system has developed a rich and unique treasure of drug knowledge in which use of metals and minerals is very much advocated. Some idea about the depth of knowledge the system possesses in the field of mineral, materia medica can be formed from the detailed drug classification, briefly described below:
There are 25 varieties of water-soluble inorganic compounds called ‘UPPU. These are different types of alkalies and salts.
There are 64 varities of mineral drugs that do not dissolve in water but emit, vapours when put in fire. Thirty-two of these are natural and remaining is artificial.
There are Seven drugs that do not dissolve in water but emit vapour on heating.
The system has classified separately classes of metals and alloys, which melt when, heated and solidifies on cooling. These include items like gold, silver, copper, tine, lead and iron. These are incinerated by special processes and used in medicine.
There is a group of drugs that exhibit sublimation on heating and includes mercury and its different forms like red sulphide of mercury, mercuric chloride and red oxide of mercury etc.
Sulpher, which is insoluble in water, finds a crucial place in Siddha materia medica along with mercury for use in therapeutics and in maintenance of health.
The above classification shows detailed knowledge and study of minerals that this system has evolved for treatment. In addition there are drugs obtained from animal sources. The system has published and hand-book on Siddha treatment for common diseases and ailments.
Chemistry in Siddha :
In Siddha system chemistry had been found well developed into a science auxillary to medicine and alchemy. It was found useful in the preparation of medicine as well as in transmutation of basic metals into gold. The knowledge of plants and mineral were of very high order and they were fully acquainted with almost all the branches of science. The Siddhars were also aware of several alchemical operations divided into several processes such as – calcinations, sublimation, distillation, fusion, separation conjunction or combination, congelation, cibation, fermentation, exaltation i.e. the action or process of refining gold, fixation i.e. bringing to the condition of being non-volatile i.e. to the state of resisting the action of fire, purification, incineration of metals, liquifaction, extraction and so on. Even cupellation of gold and silver which is an essential process in Alchemy in which is claimed to have been discovered by the Arabs, was known to the Siddhars long before.
Strength
The Siddha system is capable of treating all types of disease other than emergency cases. In general this system is effective in treating all types of skin problems particularly Psoriasis, STD, urinary tract infections, diseases of liver and gastro intestinal tract, general debility, postpartum anaemia, diarrhoea and general fevers in addition to arthritis and allergic disorders.
Diagnosis and Treatment
The diagnosis of diseases involve identifying it causes. Identification of causative factors is through the examination of pulse, urine, eyes, study of voice, colour of body, tongue and the status of the digestive system. The system has worked out details procedure of urine examination which includes study of it’s colour, smell, density, quantity and oil drop spreading pattern. It holistic in approach and the diagnosis involves the study of person as a whole as well as his disease.
The Siddha System of Medicine emphasises that medical treatment is oriented not merely to disease but has to take into account the patient, environment, the meteorological consideration, age, sex, race, habits, mental frame, habitat, diet, appetite, physical condition, physiological constitution etc. This means the treatment has to be individualistic, which ensures that mistakes in diagnosis or treatment are minimal.
The Siddha System also deals with the problems affecting the women’s health and a lot of formulations are available in the Siddha classics which can counter the problems for a better living. The care for women’s health starts from the first day of the girl child. The Siddha System strongly advocates breast feeding upto the first three months of the life. The Siddha System believes in the principle of “Food itself is medicine” and during this nursing period, lactating mothers are advised to take the food rich in iron, protein and fibre so as to prevent any nutritional disorders both to the child as well as the mothers. Once in 15 days, the mothers are advised to take simple remedies for de -worming so that they may not land up in anaemic conditions.
The Siddha System is effective in treating chronic cases of liver, skin diseases especially “Psoriasis”, rheumatic problems, anaemia, prostate enlargement, bleeding piles and peptic ulcer. The Siddha Medicines which contains mercury, silver, arsenic, lead and sulphur have been found to be effective in treating certain infectious diseases including venereal diseases. Practitioners have claimed that Siddha medicines are effective in reducing the highly debilitating problems that manifest themselves among patients of HIV/AIDS. More research into the efficacy of these medicines is presently in progress.

UNANI SYSTEM OF MEDICINE
Introduction and Origin
Unani System of Medicines originated in Greece and is based on the teachings of Hippocrates and Gallen and it developed in to an elaborate Medical System by Arabs, like Rhazes , Avicenna, Al-Zahravi , Ibne-Nafis and others.
Unani Medicines got enriched by imbibing what was best in the contemporary systems of traditional medicines in Egypt, Syria, Iraq, Persia, India, China and other Middle East countries. In India, Unani System of Medicine was introduced by Arabs and soon it took firm roots. The Delhi Sultans (rulers) provided patronage to the scholars of Unani System and even enrolled some as state employees and court physicians. During 13th and 17th century A.D. Unani Medicine had its hey-day in India. During the British rule, Unani System suffered a set back due to withdrawal of State Patronage, but continued to be practiced as the masses reposed faith in the system. It was mainly Sharifi family in Delhi, the Azizi family in Lucknow and the Nizam of Hyderabad due to whose efforts Unani Medicine survived during the British period.
Unani System has Shown remarkable results in curing the diseases like Arthritis, Leucoderma, Jaundice, Liver disorders, Nervous system disorders, Bronchial Asthma, and several other acute and chronic diseases where other systems have not been able to give desired response. Now the system has crossed national boundaries and is popular among the masses globally.
Concept and Principles
Unani treatment is based on its natural and remarkable diagnosis methods and is affordable. It is mainly dependent on the Temperament (Mizaj) of the patient, hereditary condition and effects, different complaints, signs and symptoms of the body, external observation, examination of the PULSE (Nubz), urine and stool etc. Unique and special treatment methods like Dieto therapy (Ilaj-bil-Ghiza), Climatic therapy (Ilaj-bil-Hawa), Regimental therapy (Ilaj-bit-Tadbir), make it a different and remarkable and popular system.
Regimental therapy includes venesection, cupping, diaphoresis, diuresis, Turkish bath, massage, cauterization, purging, emesis, exercise, leeching, etc.
Dieto therapy (Ilaj-bil-Ghiza) aims at treating certain ailments by administration of specific diets or by regulating the quantity and quality of food.
Pharmacotherapy (Ilaj-bid-Dawa) is mainly dependent upon local available herbal drugs which make the system indigenous. Similarly, surgery has also been in use in this system for quite long. In fact, the ancient physicians of Unani Medicine were pioneers in this field and had developed their own instruments and techniques. But at present only minor surgery is in vogue in this system.
In Unani Medicine, single drugs or their combination in raw are preferred over compound formulations. Further the materia medica of Unani Medicine being vast, the medicines are easy to get as most of them are available locally. The naturally occurring drugs used in this system are symbolic of life and are generally free from side-effects. Such drugs as are toxic in crude form are processed and purified in many ways before use.
The Greek and Arab physicians encouraged poly-pharmacy and devised a large number of poly-pharmaceutical recipes which are still in vogue. In Unani Medicine, although general preference is for single drugs, compound formulations are also employed in the treatment of various complex and chronic disorders. Since emphasis is laid on a particular temperament of the individual, the medicines administered are such as go well with the temperament of the patient, thus accelerating the process of recovery and also eliminating the risk of drug reaction.
Dr.Siddiqui undertook the task visualized by Msih-ul-Mulk and his discovery of medicinal properties of a plant, commonly known as Asrol (Pagal Booti), led to sustained research that established the unique efficacy of this plant known all over the world as Rauwolfia serpentina, in neurovascular and nervous disorders, such as hypertension, insanity, schizophrenia, hysteria, insomnia and psychosomatic conditions, etc.
At present the Unani system of medicine, with its own recognized practitioners, hospitals and educational and research institutions forms an integral part of the national healthcare system. Today, India is considered a world leader in Unani Medicine.

NATUROPATHY
Basic Concepts
In fact, Nature Cure is a way of life of which we find a number of references in the Vedas and other ancient texts. The morbid matter theory, concept of vital force and other concepts upon which Nature Cure is based are already available in old texts which indicate that these methods were widely practiced in ancient India.
The whole practice of Nature cure based on the following three principles:
1, Accumulation of morbid matter.
2, Abnormal composition of blood and lymph.
3, Lowered vitality
Nature Cure believes that all the diseases arise due to accumulation of morbid matter in the body and if scope is given for its removal, it provides cure or relief. It also believes that the human body possesses inherent self constructing and self healing powers. The fundamental difference in Nature Cure with other systems is that its theory and practice are based on holistic view point whereas the later’s approach is specific. Nature Cure does not believe in the specific cause of disease and its specific treatment but takes into account the totality of factors responsible for diseases such as one’s un-natural habits in living, thinking, working, sleeping, relaxation, sexual indulgence etc, and also considers the environmental factors involved which on the whole disturbs the normal functioning of the body and lead it to a morbid, weak and toxic state. For treatment it primarily stresses on correcting all the factors involved and allowing the body to recover itself. A Nature Cure physician helps in Nature’s effort to overcome disease by applying correct natural modalities and controlling the natural forces to work within safe limits. The five main modalities of treatment are air, water, heat, mud and space.
Principles
1. All disease, their cause and their treatment are one.
2. The basic cause of disease is not bacteria. Bacteria develop after the accumulation of morbid matter when a favorable atmosphere for their growth develops in body. Basic cause is morbid matter and not the bacteria.
3. Acute diseases are our friends not he enemies. Chronic diseases are the outcome of wrong treatment and suppression of the acute diseases.
4. Nature is the greatest healer. Body the capacity to prevent itself from diseases and regain health if unhealthy.
5. In Naturopathy patient is treated and not the disease.
6. In Naturopathy diagnosis is easily possible. Ostentation is not required. Long waiting for diagnosis is not required for treatment.
7. Patients suffering from chronic ailments are also treated successfully in comparatively less time in Naturopathy.
8. After emerging, suppressed diseases can be cured by Naturopathy.
9. Nature Cure treats physical, mental, social (moral) and spiritual all four aspects at the same time.
10. Nature Cure treats body as a whole instead of giving treatment to each organ separately.
11. Naturopathy does not use medicines. According to Naturopathy "Food is Medicine".
12. According to Gandhi Ji "Rama Nama is the best Natural Treatment", means doing prayer according to one’s spiritual faith is an important part of treatment.
History, Development and its Status
Nature Cure movement started in Germany & other western countries with "Water cure" (Hydrotherapy). Water cure was synonymous with Nature Cure in those early days. The credit of making Water cure world famous goes to Vincent Priessnitz (1799-1851) who was a farmer. Dr. Henry Lindlahr and others go to the extent of crediting him as "Father of Naturopathy". The word "Naturopathy" has been coined by Dr. John Scheel in the year 1895 and was propagated and popularised in the western world by Dr. Benedict Lust. A number of Doctors of modern medicine and others became Nature Cure enthusiasts and gradually added a number of modalities within the fold of Naturopathy and scientifically developed them. Nature Cure movement gained momentum in India as Mahatma Gandhi, "Father of the Nation" became much interested in this system and included it in his programmes. He has also established a Nature Cure Hospital in Uruli Kanchan, Distt. Poona, Maharashtra which is still functioning.
Naturopathy is a system of healing science stimulating the body’s inherent power to regain health with the help of five great elements of nature – Earth, Water, Air, Fire and Ether. Though the basic Nature Cure deals only with Pancha Mahabhoota’s, the recent developments advocates the practice of drugless therapies like Massage, Electrotherapy, Physiotherapy, Acupuncture and Acupressure, Magnetotherapy etc., Diet plays a major role, above all.
Background
Naturopathy adopts the following diagnostic methods; Full life case history – covering all the facts of life, since birth.
1. Facial diagnosis – the science of facial expressions by studying the various characteristic features upon the body.
2. Iris diagnosis – study of iris indicating the condition of various visceral organs.
3. Modern clinical diagnosis to some extent.
The methods applied for cure in Naturopathy are the following: -
1. Water Therapy: Water is the most ancient of all the remedial agents. It is employed in different forms in treatment and produces several types of physiological effects depending upon temperature and duration. Hydrotherapy is employed in almost all types of disease conditions.
2. Air Therapy: Fresh air is essential for good health. Air therapy is employed in different pressures and temperatures in variety of disease conditions.
3. Fire Therapy: Existence of all the creatures and forms depends upon “Agni” (Fire). In Nature Cure treatment, different temperatures are employed through different heating techniques to produce different specific effects.
4. Space Therapy: Congestion causes disease. Fasting is the best therapy to relieve congestion of body and mind.
5. Mud Therapy: Mud absorbs, dissolves and eliminates the toxins and rejuvenates the body. It is employed in treatment of various diseases like constipation, skin diseases etc.
6. Food Therapy: Most of the disease are amenable through food therapy. As you eat so will you be physically as well as mentally. Your food is your medicine. These are the main slogans of Nature Cure.
7. Massage Therapy: Massage is generally employed for tonic, stimulant and sedative effects. It is an effective substitute for exercise.
8. Acupressure: There are different points on hands, feet & body which are associated with different organs. By applying pressure on these selected points, related organs can be influenced for getting rid of their ailments.
9. Magneto Therapy: Magnets influence health. South and North poles of different powers and shapes are employed in treatment, by applying directly on different parts of the body or through charged up water or oil.
10. Chromo Therapy: Sun rays have seven colours – violet, indigo, blue, green, yellow, orange and red. These colours are employed through irradiation or body or by administering charged water, oil and pills for treatment.

AYURVEDA
Ayurveda - Concept and Principles
Life in Ayurveda is conceived as the union of body, senses, mind and soul. The living man is a conglomeration of three humours (Vata, Pitta &Kapha), seven basic tissues (Rasa, Rakta, Mansa, Meda, Asthi, Majja & Shukra) and the waste products of the body such as faeces, urine and sweat. Thus the total body matrix comprises of the humours, the tissues and the waste products of the body. The growth and decay of this body matrix and its constituents revolve around food which gets processed into humours, tissues and wastes. Ingestion, digestion, absorption, assimilation and metabolism of food have an interplay in health and disease which are significantly affected by psychological mechanisms as well as by bio- fire(Agni).
Panchamahabhutas
According to Ayurveda all objects in the universe including human body are composed of five basic elements (Panchamahabhutas) namely, earth, water, fire, air and vacuum (ether). There is a balanced condensation of these elements in different proportions to suit the needs and requirements of different structures and functions of the body matrix and its parts. The growth and development of the body matrix depends on its nutrition, i.e. on food. The food, in turn, is composed of the above five elements, which replenish or nourish the like elements of the body after the action of bio-fire (Agni). The tissues of the body are the structural whereas humours are physiological entities, derived from different combinations and permutations of Panchamahabhutas.
Health and Sickness
Health or sickness depends on the presence or absence of a balanced state of the total body matrix including the balance between its different constituents. Both the intrinsic and extrinsic factors can cause disturbance in the natural equilibrium giving rise to disease. This loss of equilibrium can happen by dietary indiscrimination, undesirable habits and non-observance of rules of healthy living. Seasonal abnormalities, improper exercise or erratic application of sense organs and incompatible actions of the body and mind can also result in creating disturbance of the existing normal balance. The treatment consists of restoring the balance of disturbed body-mind matrix through regulating diet, correcting life-routine and behaviour, administration of drugs and resorting to preventive Panchkarma and Rasayana therapy.
Diagnosis
In Ayuveda diagnosis is always done of the patient as a whole. The physician takes a careful note of the patient’s internal physiological characteristics and mental disposition. He also studies such other factors as the affected bodily tissues, humours, the site at which the disease is located, patient’s resistance and vitality, his daily routine, dietary habits, the gravity of clinical conditions, condition of digestion and details of personal, social, economic and environmental situation of the patient. The diagnosis also involves the following examinations:
• General physical examination
• Pulse examination
• Urine examination
• Examination of the faeces
• Examination of tongue and eyes
• Examination of skin and ear including tactile and auditory functions.
Treatment
The basic therapeutic approach is, ‘that alone is the right treatment which makes for health and he alone is the best doctor who frees one from disease’. This sums up the principal objectives of Ayurveda, i.e. maintenance and promotion of health, prevention of disease and cure of sickness.
Treatment of the disease consists in avoiding causative factors responsible for disequilibrium of the body matrix or of any of its constituent parts through the use of Panchkarma procedures, medicines, suitable diet, activity and regimen for restoring the balance and strengthening the body mechanisms to prevent or minimize future occurrence of the disease.
Normally treatment measures involve use of medicines, specific diet and prescribed activity routine. Use of these three measures is done in two ways. In one approach of treatment the three measures antagonize the disease by counteracting the etiological factors and various manifestations of the disease. In the second approach the same three measures of medicine, diet and activity are targeted to exert effects similar to the etiological factors and manifestations of the disease process. These two types of therapeutic approaches are respectively known as Vipreeta and Vipreetarthkari treatments.
For successful administration of a treatment four things are essential. These are
• The physician
• The medicaments
• The nursing personnel
• The patient
The physician comes first in order of importance. He must possess technical skill, scientific knowledge, purity and human understanding. The physician should use his knowledge with humility, wisdom and in the service of humanity. Next in importance comes food and drugs. These are supposed to be of high quality; wide application, grown and prepared following approved procedures and should be available adequately. The third component of every successful treatment is the role of nursing personnel who should have good knowledge of nursing, must know the skills of their art and be affectionate, sympathetic, intelligent, neat & clean and resourceful. The fourth component is the patient himself who should be cooperative and obedient to follow instructions of the physician, able to describe ailments and ready to provide all that may be needed for treatment.
Preventive Treatment & the concepts of Aetio-Pathogenesis
Ayurveda has developed a very vivid analytical description of the stages and events that take place since the causative factors commence to operate till the final manifestation of disease. This gives this system an additional advantage of knowing that possible onset of disease much before the latent symptoms become apparent. This very much enhances the preventive role of this system of medicine by making it possible to take proper and effective steps in advance, to arrest further progress in pathogenesis or to take suitable therapeutic measures to curb the disease in its earliest stage of onset.
Types of Treatment
The treatment of disease can broadly be classified as
a. Shodhana therapy (Purification Treatment)
b. Shamana therapy (Palliative Treatment)
c. Pathya Vyavastha (Prescription of diet and activity)
d. Nidan Parivarjan (Avoidance of disease causing and aggravating factors)
e. Satvavajaya(Psychotherapy)
f. Rasayana therapy(use of immuno-modulators and rejuvenation medicines)
(a) Shodhana treatment aims at removal of the causative factors of somatic and psychosomatic diseases. The process involves internal and external purification. The usual practices involved are Panchkarma (medically induced Emesis, Purgation, Oil Enema, Decoction enema and Nasal administration of medicines), Pre-panchkarma procedures (external and internal oleation and induced sweating). Panchkarma treatment focuses on metabolic management. It provides needed purificatory effect, besides conferring therapeutic benefits. This treatment is especially helpful in neurological disorders, musculo-skeletal disease conditions, certain vascular or neuro-vascular states, respiratory diseases, metabolic and degenerative disorders.
(b) Shamana therapy involves suppression of vitiated humours (doshas). The process by which disturbed humour subsides or returns to normal without creating imbalance of other humours is known as shamana. This treatment is achieved by use of appetisers, digestives, exercise and exposure to sun, fresh air etc. In this form of treatment, palliatives and sedatives are used.
(c) Pathya Vyavastha comprises indications and contraindications in respect of diet, activity, habits and emotional status. This is done with a view to enhance the effects of therapeutic measures and to impede the pathogenetic processes. Emphasis on do’s and don’ts of diet etc is laid with the aim to stimulate Agni and optimize digestion and assimilation of food in order to ensure strength of tissues.
(d) Nidan Parivarjan is to avoid the known disease causing factors in diet and lifestyle of the patient. It also encompasses the idea to refrain from precipitating or aggravating factors of the disease.
(e) Satvavajaya concerns mainly with the area of mental disturbances. This includes restraining the mind from desires for unwholesome objects and cultivation of courage, memory and concentration. The study of psychology and psychiatry have been developed extensively in Ayurveda and have wide range of approaches in the treatment of mental disorders.
(f) Rasayana therapy deals with promotion of strength and vitality. The integrity of body matrix, promotion of memory, intelligence, immunity against the disease, the preservation of youth, luster and complexion and maintenance of optimum strength of the body and senses are some of the positive benefits credited to this treatment. Prevention of premature bear and tear of body tissues and promotion of total health content of an individual are the roles that Rasayana therapy plays.
Diet and Ayurvedic Treatment
In Ayurveda, regulation of diet as therapy has great importance. This is because it considers human body as the product of food. An individual’s mental and spiritual development as well as his temperament is influenced by the quality of food consumed by him. Food in human body is transformed first into chyle or Rasa and then successive processes involve its conversion into blood, muscle, fat, bone, bone-marrow, reproductive elements and ojas. Thus, food is basic to all the metabolic transformations and life activities.

HOMOEOPATHY

What is homoeopathy?
Homoeopathy (=homeopathy) is an alternative method of treatment, based on the nature's Law of Cure, namely 'Like Cures Like'. The truth of this law was discovered by a German scientist Dr.Samuel Hahnemann in 1796, and has been verified experimentally and clinically for 200 years. Homoeopathy is the revolutionary, natural medical science. Homoeopathy is gentle and effective system of medicine. The remedies are prepared from natural substances to precise standards and work by stimulating the body's own healing power.
Why should homoeopathy be the first choice of therapy ?
Homoeopathy is highly scientific, logical, safe, quick and extremely effective method of healing. It offers long lasting to permanent cure, treating the disease from its roots, for most of the ailments. Homoeopathy is the most rational science with respect to its concepts of health, disease and cure. Homoeopathy does not treat superficially by just driving away the symptoms but heals the patient from within. Undoubtedly, homoeopathy is the medicine of future.
Homoeopathy: The Holistic medicine:
The concept of disease in homoeopathy is that disease is a total affection of mind and body, the disturbance of the whole organism. Individual organs are not the cause of illness but disturbance at the inner level (disturbance of the life force, the vital energy of the body) is the cause of illness. Therefore homoeopathy does not believe in giving different medicines for different afflicted parts of body but rather give one single constitutional remedy which will cover the disturbance of the whole person. Homoeopathy treats the patient as a whole and not just the disease. Medical philosophy is coming more and more to the conclusion that the mere treatment of symptoms and organs can only help temporarily and that it is the healing power of the body as whole that has to be enhanced. Homoeopathy believes in holistic, totalistic and individualistic approach.

Homoeopathy: Magic of Minimum dose
Homoeopathy has a unique approach of the method of preparation of the drugs in which the end result will contain only the 'dynamic curative power' of the drug substance, devoid of any original crude substance. By a special mode of preparation called 'optimization', over 2500 homeopathic medicines are prepared from sources such as vegetables, animal, minerals, chemicals, etc. Hence homeopathic remedies with its ultra minute dose are non toxic, absolutely harmless and bring about SAFE AND SURE CURE. Homoeopathic remedies are dynamic agents influencing body's energy.

Homoeopathy: Ideal for Infants and Children
Most of the children's ailments like Cold, Cough, Fever, Vomiting, Diarrhoea, Dysentery, Colic, Tonsillitis, Bronchitis, Asthma, Measles, Chickenpox, Mumps, Dentition problems, etc., could be very effectively and quickly treated with homoeopathy without producing any side effects whatsoever. Unlike antibiotics and other such medicines, homeopathic pills do not hamper digestion, nor lower body's resistance. Neither do they neither cause any allergies nor cause any damage even if taken over a long period. Homoeopathic pills being sweet in taste, is willingly ingested by children. Indeed, homoeopathy is child-Friendly ! Besides, homoeopathy is effective also in temperament and behavioral problems seen commonly in children like irritability, obstinacy, temper-tantrums, fears, phobias, destructiveness; and thumb- sucking, nail biting, bed-wetting; as well as in mentally & physically backward children.

Homoeopathy: Better substitute to Antibiotics...
Homoeopathy is an effective alternate to antibiotics in infectious diseases, producing no toxic side effects and bringing about rapid recovery. Homoeopathy has definite treatment for most of the infectious disease such as Sinusitis, Tonsillitis, Bronchitis, Pneumonia, Tuberculosis, Meningitis, Otitis media (pus from ear), Gastro-enteritis (vomiting-diarrhoea), Dysentery, Urinary Infections, etc.

Homoeopathy: Offers best treatment for Viral Infections
Viral infections such as common cold, influenza, measles, chickenpox, mumps, viral hepatitis (jaundice), viral meningitis etc. are very well treated with homoeopathy. Allopathic system has no curative treatment for viral diseases except infusing antibiotics under the pretext of preventing secondary bacterial infection.

Homoeopathy: Often avoids Surgery
Homoeopathy is not against surgery. Surgery is an art and science by itself. Surgery is called forth in the conditions where medicines have limited or no role, and where surgical aid, operation can cure or improve the condition. There are number of diseases which are labeled as 'surgical', where homoeopathy works curatively and can avoid surgery. Some such ailments are : Septic recurrent Tonsillitis, Piles, Fissure-in-ano, Fistula, Appendicitis (except gangrenous), Chronic ear discharge, Vocal cord nodules, Polyp in nose-ear, Kidney & Biliary (small) stones, small size Uterine Fibroid, Ovarian Cysts, Warts , Corns, etc.

Homoeopathy: Answer to Allergic diseases
In modern life infections have diminished and various allergic disorders have grown rampant. Homoeopathy offers very effective treatment in all allergic diseases such as various skin diseases like Urticaria, Eczema, Contact Dermatitis, as well as gives unbelievably miraculous results in Asthmatic Bronchitis.

Homoeopathy: Excellent for Psychosomatic ailments
The psychosomatic disorders like Migraine, Asthma, Acidity, Peptic ulcer, Allergy, Ulcerative colitis, etc. are successfully treated with homoeopathy. Homoeopathy has long recognized the psychological origin of somatic (body) symptoms. Homoeopathy always examines patient's mental make-up in all cases and remedies are given acting at the level of mind and body together, thus eradicating the disease. Perhaps no other system of medicine has such a superb approach of tackling the mind-body disorders with definite therapeutic agents. Homoeopathic remedies are capable of influencing the state of mind. They can specifically act to alleviate emotional disturbance such as excessive anxiety, irritability, insecurity, obsessive traits, undue jealousy, suspicion (paranoid) fears, depression, neurosis etc. By relieving the emotions such as above, homeopathic remedies bring about harmonious state of health. Thus homoeopathy demonstrates the possibility of the highest goal of medicine, the therapy for the person rather than for the disease alone. Homoeopathic remedies can cure mental & emotional disturbed states.

Homoeopathic Opinion: A must ...
In this scientific era of health consciousness, the time has come that for the treatment of any disease which does not respond to any particular line of treatment, one must take a homeopathic opinion immediately. Often patients lose their early time going to one specialist to another helplessly, without permanent relief, and approach homoeopathy only when other medicines fail.

Homoeopathy: Not a last Resort
To obtain the best results and full benefits of homeopathic science, one should resort to homoeopathy in the early phase of sickness. Because of ignorance and lack of awareness in general public about the usefulness of homoeopathy in all kinds of diseases ranging from Cold to Cancer, many patients approach homoeopathy late. By this time the disease process advances to an incurable stage and homoeopathy can offer little then, to the otherwise curable disorders. However timely given homeopathic treatment could be a blessing to the ailing humanity.

Homoeopathy: A complete system of medicine.
Homoeopathy is not limited to certain diseases but is universally applicable to all kinds of diseases. It is time, when people must be made fully aware of the benefits and the scope of homoeopathy in various day to day diseases. Homoeopathy should be more and more made available to the benefit of ailing persons, as it can positively help 90% of the diseases we have today.