English: Fuzzy Language

In what other language do people drive in a parkway and park in a driveway?

Why does night fall but never break and day break but never fall?

Why is it that when we transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when we transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

Why are people who ride motorcycles called bikers and people who ride bikes called cyclists?

In what other language do they call the third hand on the clock the second hand?

Why is it called a TV set when you get only one?

Why - in our crazy language - can your nose run and your feet smell?

Sometimes you have to believe that all English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane:

If olive oil is made of olives, what do they make baby oil from?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian consume?

A writer is someone who writes, and a stinger is something that stings.

But fingers don't fing and grocers don't groce.

If the plural of tooth is teeth, shouldn't the plural of booth be beeth?

If the teacher taught, why isn't it also true that the preacher praught?

If harmless actions are the opposite of harmful actions, why are shameless and shameful behavior the same?

English is a language in which you can turn a light on and you can turn a light off and you can turn a light out, but you can't turn a light in;

In which the sun comes up and goes down, but prices go up and come down.

In which your nose can simultaneously burn up and burn down and your car can slow up and slow down, in which you can fill in a form by filling out a form and in which your alarm clock goes off by going on.

English is a crazy language. What is it that when the sun or the moon or the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible; and why when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I shall end it?

BALANCE SHEET OF LIFE

good ones

Our Birth is our Opening Balance
Our Death is our Closing Balance
Our Prejudiced Views are our Liabilities
Our Creative Ideas are our Assets
Heart is our Current Asset
Soul is our Fixed Asset
Brain is our Fixed Deposit
Thinking is our Current Account
Achievements are our Capital
Character & Morals, our Stock-in-Trade
Friends are our General Reserves
Values & Behavior are our Goodwill
Patience is our Interest Earned
Love is our Dividend
Children are our Bonus Issues
Education is Brands / Patents
Knowledge is our Investment
Experience is our Premium Account
The Aim is to Tally the Balance Sheet Accurately.
The Goal is to get the Best Presented Accounts Award .

Secular Family

Check the (Pseudo ) Secularism

PROBLEM SOLVING through envelopes ...

A new Administrator / Principal spends a week at his new office with the Administrator, he is replacing.

On the last day the departing manager tells him, "I have left three numbered envelopes in the desk drawer. Open an envelope if you encounter a crisis you can't solve."

Three months down the track there is a major drama, everything goes wrong - the usual stuff - and the Administrator / Principal feels very threatened by it all.

He remembers the parting words of his predecessor and opens the first envelope.
The message inside says "Blame your predecessor!" He does this and gets off the hook.

About half a year later, the Institution is experiencing a dip in progress and combined with serious problems.

The Administrator / Principal quickly opens the second envelope.
The message read, "Reorganize!, Now blame and threat or bargain or beg with own staff." This he does, and the Institution quickly rebounds.

6 weeks, 6months, 6 years ...

After marriage how couples behave !

Dating process:
6 weeks : I love U, I love U, I love U.
6 months : Of course I love U.
6 years : GOD, if I didn't love U, then why the hell did I propose?

Back from Work:
6 weeks : Honey, I'm home.
6 months : BACK!!
6 years : What did you cook for us today??

Gifts:
6 weeks : Honey, I really hope you liked the ring.
6 months : I bought you a painting; it would fit the motif in the living room.
6 years : Here's the money. Buy yourself something.

Phone Ringing:
6 weeks : Dear, somebody wants you on the phone.
6 months : Here, for you.
6 years : PHONE RINGING.

Cooking:
6 weeks : I never knew food could taste so good!
6 months : What are we having for dinner tonight?
6 years : AGAIN!!!!

Apology:
6 weeks : Honey, don't you worry, Ill never hold this against you.
6 months : Watch out! Don't do it again.
6 years : What's not to understand about what I just said??

New Dress:
6 weeks : Oh my God, you look like an angel in that dress.
6 months : You bought a new dress again???
6 years : How much did THAT cost me?

TV:
6 weeks : Dear, what would you like us to watch tonight?
6 months : I like this movie.
6 years : I'm going to watch Serial, if you're not in the mood, go to bed, I can stay up by myself.

A fact You must know about Sardarjis

We all love Sardarji jokes. But do you know that Sikhs are one of the most hard working prosperous and diversified communities in the world.

My friend told me about the following incident which I wish to share with you. It has had a deep impact on my thinking.

During last vacation, my few friends went to Delhi . They rented a taxi for local sight-seeing. The driver was an old Sardar and boys being boys, these pals began cracking Sardarji jokes, just to tease the old man.

But to their surprise, the fellow remained unperturbed.

At the end of the sight-seeing, they paid the cab hire-charges. The Sardar returned the change, but he gave each one of them one rupee extra and said,

”Son, since morning you have been telling Sardarji jokes. I listened to them all and let me tell you, some of them were in bad taste. Still, I don’t mind coz I know that you are young blood and are yet to see the world. But I have one request. I am giving you one rupee each. Give it to the first Sardar beggar that you come across in this or any other city.’

My friend continued, ’ That one rupee coin is still with me. I couldn’t find a single Sardar begging anywhere.’

The secret behind their universal success, is their willingness to do any job with utmost dedication and pride. A Sardar will drive a truck or set up a roadside garage or a dhaba, put a fruit juice stall, take up small time carpentry,………… but he will never beg on the streets.

Isn’t this very thought provoking ???????

Reflections: You must know.

How to determine if a mirror are 2 way or not (Not a Joke) Not to scare you, but to make sure that you are aware. This was brought from a website.

Many of the hotels, textile malls etc., cheat the customers this way . When we visit toilets, bathrooms, hotel rooms, changing rooms, etc, how many of you know for sure that the seemingly ordinary mirror hanging on the wall is a real mirror, or actually a 2-way mirror i.e.,they can see you, but you can't see them ?

There have been many cases of people installing 2-way mirrors in female changing rooms or bathroom or bedrooms. It is very difficult to positively identify the surface by just looking at it. So, how do we determine with any amount of certainty what type of mirror we are looking at ?

Conduct this Simple Test:
Place the tip of your fingernail against the reflective surface and if there is a GAP between your fingernail and the image of the nail, then it is a GENUINE mirror. However, if your fingernail DIRECTLY TOUCHES the image of your nail, then BEWARE, IT IS A 2-WAY MIRROR ! (there is someone seeing you from the other side). So remember, every time you see a mirror, do the "fingernail test". It doesn't cost you anything. It is simple to do. This is a really good thing to do. The reason there is a gap on a real mirror, is because silver is on the back of the mirror UNDER the glass. Whereas with a 2-way mirror, the silver is on the surface. Keep it in mind! Make sure and check every time you enter in hotel rooms.

Ladies: Share this with your friends.

Men: Share this with your Sisters, wives, daughters, friends, colleagues etc.

Teachers: Share this with your students.

Your / CEO / Boss/ Head / Master 's attitude ?

Important Document

A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when she found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in her hand.

"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainly," said the young executive.

She turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."

11 SIGNS U R IN LOVE . . .

ELEVEN
You walk really slow when you're with him/her.

TEN
You feel shy whenever he/she's around.

NINE
You smile when you hear his/her voice.

EIGHT:
When you look at him/her, you can't see the other
People around you, you just see him/her.

SIX:
He/She is all you think about.

FIVE:
You realize you're always smiling when you're
Looking at him/her.

FOUR:
You would do anything for him/her, just to see him/her.

THREE:
While reading this, there was one person on your
Mind this whole time.

TWO:
You were so busy thinking about that person,
You didn't notice number seven was missing

ONE:
You just scrolled up to check & are now silently
Laughing at yourself.

Lotus: let's think usefully.

Lotus Plant and Nanotechnology

The lotus plant grows in muddy waters, but its leaves emerge clean. The leaves are not smooth, yet water rolls off of them and collects dirt along the way. This is called the Lotus Effect. Microscopic structures on the leaf trap air bubbles and repel water with a waxy coating. The result is droplets of water dancing on tiny spikes instead of a flat surface. Since there’s nothing to cling to, the water is forced to roll away on the slightest decline. This superhydrophobic coating is great against water droplets, but it doesn’t work well against water vapor.

The applications for water repellent and self-cleaning coatings are almost unlimited. Imagine tools and surfaces that bacteria, food and dirt cannot stick to. Imagine clothes that rarely need to be washed. These coatings already exist and some are on the market . It can also be made with safer or fewer chemicals and increase the life cycle of many materials and resources.

The lotus plant has been a symbol of purity in Asia for thousands of years, in part thanks to its superhydrophobic leaves. Understanding how and why are perhaps just an enlightening as observing the phenomenon, as they offer insight into the ingenuity of evolution and natural systems.

Truth is stranger than Fiction

WHY INDIA GOT INDEPENDENCE

Why the British left India? Why Lord Mount batten decided to leave India? any guess plz.......
* Nethaji Subash Chandra Bose ?

* M.K. gandhi.

* Baghat Singh

* Bengalis

* Punjabis

* or any other person

Answer

check the Photo

Letters of a Geek

(Now-a-days the letter writing becoming scarce. a sample letter by a geek is for your perusal, Please)

A Fantastic Letter regarding a NEW SOFTWARE

Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 :-)

Dear Tech Support Team:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0.

I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child-processes that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities.

Applications such as BachelorNights 10.3, Cricket 5.0, BeerWithBuddies 7.5, and Outings 3.6 no longer runs, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.

I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 1.0 , but the 'uninstall' doesn't work on Wife 1.0.

Please help!

Thanks,
"A Troubled User"


REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that people complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program.

Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!!

It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 1.0.

It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 1.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to allow this. (Look in your Wife 1.0 Manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support) .

I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the environment.

I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before
the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean 2.5, Sweep 3.0, Cook 1.5 and DoLaundry 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs.
Improper use will cause the system to launch the
program NagNag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend....
Costumes 2.1 and Jewellery 5.0

STATUTORY WARNING : DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system

Something Interesting

It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.

The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.

If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze; you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents great king from history. "Spades" - King David; "Clubs" - Alexander the Great; " Hearts" - Charlemagne; "Diamonds" - Julius Caesar.

Anagrams

DILIP VENGSARKAR
When you rearrange the letters:
SPARKLING DRIVE

BARA THEDA
When you rearrange the letters:
ARAB DEATH

PRINCESS DIANA
When you rearrange the letters:
END IS A CAR SPIN

MONICA LEWINSKY
When you rearrange the letters:
NICE SILKY WOMAN

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
I M A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

Taj Mahal: (A symbol of love ???) The True Story

No one has ever challenged it except Prof. P. N. Oak, who believes the whole world has been duped. In his book Taj Mahal: The True Story, Oak says the Taj Mahal is not Queen Mumtaz's tomb but an ancient Hindu temple palace of Lord Shiva (then known as Tejo Mahalaya ) .
In the course of his research Oak discovered that the Shiva temple palace was usurped by Shah Jahan from then Maharaja of Jaipur, Jai Singh. In his own court chronicle, Badshahnama, Shah Jahan admits that an exceptionally beautiful grand mansion in Agra was taken from Jai Singh for Mumtaz's burial .
The ex-Maharaja of Jaipur still retains in his secret collection two orders from Shah Jahan for surrendering the Taj building. Using captured temples and mansions, as a burial place for dead courtiers and royalty was a common practice among Muslim rulers.

For example, Humayun,Akbar, Etmud-ud-Daula and Safdarjung are all buried in such mansions. Oak's inquiries began with the name of Taj Mahal. He says the term " Mahal " has never been used for a building in any Muslim countries from Afghanisthan to Algeria . "The unusual explanation that the term Taj Mahal derives from Mumtaz Mahal was illogical in atleast two respects.

Firstly, her name was never Mumtaz Mahal but Mumtaz-ul-Zamani ," he writes.
Secondly, one cannot omit the first three letters 'Mum' from a woman's name to derive the remainder as the name for the building."Taj Mahal, he claims, is a corrupt version of . Oak also says the love story of Mumtaz and Shah Jahan is a fairy tale cre ated by court sycophants, blundering historians and sloppy archaeologists Not a single royal chronicle of Shah Jahan's time corroborates the love story.

Furthermore, Oak cites several documents suggesting the Taj Mahal predates Shah Jahan's era, and was a temple dedicated to Shiva, worshipped by Rajputs of Agra city. For example, Prof. Marvin Miller of New York took a few samples from the riverside doorway of the Taj. Carbon dating tests revealed that the door was 300 years older than Shah Jahan. European traveler Johan Albert Mandelslo,who visited Agra in 1638 (only seven years after Mumtaz's death), describes the life of the cit y in his memoirs. But he makes no reference to the Taj Mahal being built. The writings of Peter Mundy, an English visitor to Agra within a year of Mumtaz's death, also suggest the
Taj was a noteworthy building well before Shah Jahan's time.

Prof. Oak points out a number of design and architectural inconsistencies that support the belief of the Taj Mahal being a typical Hindu temple rather than a mausoleum. Many rooms in the Taj Mahal have remained sealed since Shah Jahan's time and are still inaccessible to the public .
Oak asserts they contain a headless statue of Lord Shiva and other objects commonly used for worship rituals in Hindu temples Fearing political backlash, Indira Gandhi's government tried to have Prof. Oak's book withdrawn from the bookstores, and threatened the Indian publisher of the first edition dire consequences . There is only one way to discredit or validate Oak's research.

The current government should open the sealed rooms of the Taj Mahal under U.N. supervision, and let international experts investigate.

Are You a Mobile User ? Do You Know this ?

4 THINGS YOU PROBABLY NEVER KNEW YOUR MOBILE PHONE COULD DO


There are a few things that can be done in times of grave emergencies. Your mobile phone can actually be a life saver or an emergency tool for survival. Check out the things that you can do with it:

FIRST: Emergency

The Emergency Number worldwide for Mobile is 112. If you find yourself out of the coverage area of your mobile; network and there is an emergency, dial 112 and the mobile will search any existing network to establish the emergency number for you, and interestingly this number 112 can be dialed even if the keypad is locked. Try it out.

SECOND: Have you locked your keys in the car?

Does your car have remote keyless entry? This may come in handy someday. Good reason to own a cell phone: If you lock your keys in the car and the spare keys are at home, call someone at home on their mobile phone from your cell phone. Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have the person at your home press the unlock
button, holding it near the mobile phone on their end. Your car will unlock. Saves someone from having to drive your keys to you. Distance is no object. You could be hundreds of miles away, and if you can reach
someone who has the other 'remote' for your car, you can unlock the doors (or the trunk).
Editor's Note: It works fine! We tried it out and it unlocked our car over a mobile phone!'

THIRD: Hidden Battery Power

Imagine your mobile battery is very low. To activate, press the keys *3370# Your mobile will restart with this reserve and the instrument will show a 50% increase in battery. This reserve will get charged when you charge your mobile next time.

FOURTH: How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone?

To check your Mobile phone's serial number, key in the following digits on your phone * # 0 6 #
A 15 digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe. When your phone get stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this code.
They will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief changes the SIM card, your phone will be totally useless. You probably won't get your phone back, but at least you know that whoever stole it can't use/sell it either. If everybody does this, there would be no point in people stealing mobile phones.

This is the kind of information people don't mind
receiving, so pass it on to your family and friends